My ultimate recipe for a salad.

Ingredients:
1 lettuce, doesn't matter what kind as long as it's fresh and expensive
75 gr. of radishes
400 gr. of bacon, thin slices;
1 teaspoon of ground black pepper;
2 tablespoons of ketchup
some butter

Directions:
Put the bacon and the butter in a frying pan and start frying the bacon slowly, turning often, until it's nice and crisp. Put the pepper and maybe some salt on the bacon when it starts turning brown.

While you are doing this, throw away the lettuce. Put it in the garbage bin with the other trash! Make sure that every piece of the lettuce is in there with the rotting thingies, empty beer cans and other stale and smelly things.

After doing this, flatten the radishes using your forehead and throw them away because they always have a foul taste no matter what you try to do with them! Throw them in a toilet and pee on them! Yeah! Suck it down radishes!!!
Doesn't that feel great?

Now put the crisp, greasy bacon on a plate and eat it with some ketchup. Mmmmmm...